Yes, I am going to apologize for my condition. That’s part of what I do.. I apologize for situations that are out of my control, things that are not my fault, and I’m sorry for this seemingly self-absorbed post. I apologize so much that it probably annoys you. But that’s what I do best, right? Annoy people? See, that’s another part of what I am. I feel like I am over stepping my boundaries by talking too much. I think that you are constantly judging me.. you probably are though.
You most likely think I’m a bitch because you don’t see me smiling or say “Hello” when we pass by each other in the grocery store. But let me tell you, I’m not a bitch (most of the time).. I’m not a ray of sunshine and rainbows type of girl either. I don’t laugh at many jokes, but I blame that on my horrible sense of humor.. I may have the courage to say “Hi” to you one day, but other times I’m afraid it will lead to a conversation…what will I say? I’m horrible with small talk and I guess I’m too fragile to let you know who I am.
I’m fragile, I break easy. A simple joke or a tiny bit of criticism may be nothing to you, but it can crush me. So, I’ve learned to shield myself from the damage. I don’t trust you…I hardly trust anyone. I don’t trust myself at times…I doubt, second guess, and wonder if I really know what the hell I am doing. Overthinking, one of my favorite things to do.
Please, don’t give me the decision to where we are going to eat. It seems like an easy task.. until it becomes battle in my mind because of the pressure “will I regret my choice?” “what if I don’t like it?” The pressure of people wanting more out of me than I can give. I know you want me to hold your baby, to show it some affection.. but I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do. Please, don’t think I hate it because that’s not the case. This little life will depend on me for maybe 5 minutes.. What if I do something wrong? What if it starts crying? What if the moment I hold it, I realize I will be a horrible mother someday. I don’t want to disappoint you, but I guess either way I am doing just that. The pressure and stress make me come off as a cold human being. This feeling is like a shadow to me. Will it go away if I just hide in the dark? I’m jealous of people that shine in the light.
Jealousy, Oh how you have become so familiar. It brings out the best and worst in me. It makes me want to do better. If they can do it, I surely can too (if not better)… but there are the things I can’t change.. I can’t make myself gain weight to fit cute boutique clothing, because I lose it no matter what I do. I can’t get as many likes on Instagram as her, because I was simply not born that pretty or outgoing. I can’t get that job, because they can sense my fear. I can’t hide my insecurities from you.
But, it’s not all bad…It does get easier, some days. I have these ground breaking moments, I overcome an obstacle. I went grocery shopping at Walmart by myself today. I drove down main street in a city. I went to a bar with a crowd full of people…and I was okay. I didn’t break down and I didn’t leave. I celebrate with a smile and a proud “I did it!” moment.. I don’t tell anyone else about it though…to them it’s normal. It’s nothing special.
I’m fighting like hell. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it peak through the cracks on my good days. I want to accomplish my goals and dreams. I want to decide where to eat and not second guess it. I want to be a good mother when the time comes. I want to have the courage to get any job I want, to do anything I want. It is easier to succumb into the darkness, to stay in my comfort zone. But where is the life in that? I know there are bad days.. but the good days are worth the battle. So I will keep fighting until I can smile every day.
Thank you for reading,
Size: 4 x 6
I get my ideas from a popular source.. you’ve probably swooned over it for hours too.. Pinterest. Pinterest is a great source for ideas for about anything you can think of. When I first started decorating, this was my go to site. I didn’t look anywhere else for ideas because I thought everything was there. Eventually, I learned to watch TV shows, subscribing to magazines, and visiting other websites. You want to know my biggest source of inspiration?… INSTAGRAM! I follow many decorating addicts like myself and it’s REAL. Facebook is also becoming a pretty popular source for me. People have started creating groups and pages that show their love for interior design. What i love about Instagram so much? There are hardly any smack talk, it’s all support. So EXPAND your horizons people!
I’m not going to tell you paint your house like a pouch of skittles, but please throw in a punch of color here and there. I am a big fan of white, as many of you know. It’s timeless and classy. Although this may be true, too much white can overwhelming or even boring. Throwing in an accent color or different tones of wood can really define your space. The accent color gives your room a different mood. I like to use a little bit of blush pink and greenery for accents, but I’m really digging blue lately so I might give that a try.
For some reason, I used to really hate signs that had words. I avoided the “live laugh love”, but in reality they create a more personal feel to the space. The sayings you have on the wall have an impact to your overall message of the space. I also avoided (and still haven’t done it…but I intend to!) adding any personal photos around the house. Personal pet peeve here: I cant stand photos in cheap-looking frames & when the colors in the photograph don’t coordinate with each other. If I were to add some, I would probably do black and white pictures so they are cohesive with each other. I also didn’t attach myself to any pieces. Now when I am shopping for items, I need to feel a connection with the piece and fall in love with it.. rather than just having a random object in my home. If someone asks why I chose that, I can say what I love about it and give them an answer…rather than “it was on sale”. Your home is a reflection of your personality and who you are.
When I first started decorating I wanted to buy all new, all the time. While it can be cost efficient to buy the 40% off Hobby Lobby product (no shame on Hobby Lobby, I love it), you should also look for antique pieces. Great finds are pieces that have been or could be repurposed. You should have a few items in your home that you can tell a story about, a conversation piece.
This one has really cost me time and money. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT pick your paint color in the store. GET THE DAMN SAMPLE! Sure, it may cost you a little bit of money, but it is well worth it (especially if you are picking a grey paint color). The paint color will depend on the texture of walls and the lighting the room has.
This one should be pretty obvious, but I have made the mistake in the past for overlooking the measurements and just pressing the “check out”. Story time: This past spring I ordered these cute blush pink eggs to fill up my centerpiece jar, thinking they’d be the size of an actual chicken egg….Bought two packages just to be safe and when I got them they were literally the size of my thumbnail. So, check the measurement, please. Spare yourself some embarrassment.
We have the good ol’ standard 8′ foot ceilings in our home. When I moved in, I bought white sheer curtains from wally world and hung them right above the trim of my windows. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. When I redecorated I bought longer curtains and hung them up to the crown molding. It really does make everything seem taller. Another note about curtains… There is a tip out of there that your curtains should be 1″ above the ground (anything taller will seem like high waters) and that they should not drag on the ground. Mine rest on the ground and I love the look. It gives it a little more elegance I feel, but that could just be me. What I don’t like about it? I have three indoor cats and its seems collect their hair on bottom, therefor it adds extra cleaning.
I didn’t use area rugs when we first moved in because we had shaggy carpet. Just because you have carpet, doesn’t mean that you should avoid area rugs. They have a huge impact. They show off personality and define a space. I chose a neutral color, but they can be a part of your accent. The size of them is also important so make sure they are big enough for your space. I am guilty of my dining room rug being too small, but that’s because we got a new table this year and I’m too cheap to buy a new one just yet.
I didn’t even know this was a thing before decorating and hadn’t realize I was doing it. I love symmetry (and I still use it), but everything doesn’t need to be perfectly lined up. Here’s an example, In my dining room I had my farmhouse style table, buffet, and accent table. They were all tables, granted they were a little bit of different heights, I still seemed off balance. I decided to replace my accent table with my old door and bingo. That’s what it was missing, I needed something vertical. When first starting out, I didn’t take into consideration the shape of objects. Mix up circular and square objects so the eye moves within the space.
I tend to be a perfectionist.. I used to love everything to go with each other. If I could buy it in a set, then I would. An important lesson learned: Mix it up. Don’t buy all of the same throw pillows, buy many that go well together and create your own look. Don’t keep everything the same wood tone either, create some contrast. Even numbers are also a no-no when styling, I mean if your heart calls for it go ahead. General rule, style in odd numbers.
At one time, I wanted dark wood floors and tan walls. Why? Because that’s what everyone wanted at the time. I redid parts of my home & decided to go against what most people were telling me to do. They told me go dark floors, so I went with light instead. I loved the warmth of light colored wood…so I clear coated over them. Everyone told me if I painted my walls white that it would be “too white” and sterile…I did it anyway because screw what everyone else thinks. It’s my home and I love it, you don’t have to. This is the attitude you need when planning for your home. You need to focus on what YOU love. You want to wallpaper your powder room in flamingos? Okay lets do it. As long as you love it, I’m on board.
Have you ever had a time in life where you thought you were finally on the right track? You thought “This could be it”.. or “This might be what I’m meant to do”… Until you feel like you’ve just been run over by a truck when it turns out to be just another stepping stone. If you’re anything like me, every pivotal decision is just part of the journey to finally figuring out what I was put on this Earth for.
When I graduated High School I was interested in Science. I wanted to have a job that required expertise, I enjoyed, and would have moderate pay. I was accepted into a radiology program at my local college. I was required to do some job shadowing and thank God for that, because I realized it was not my calling. After some thought I realized that as much as I loved Science…the medical field wasn’t for me.
I decided to get an Associate of Arts degree for general knowledge and to buy some time to figure out my life. I would have never expected to enjoy accounting. I hated math growing up and I wasn’t all that great at it. I was taking a personal finance class and I actually enjoyed it. I was even good at it, who knew? So the next semester I majored in accounting.
Along with taking accounting classes I was working for a factory over nights at this time. The factory told me that they would have an office position for me (most likely) once I graduated college. The plan was to pay off my schooling as I went, and I did get a lot paid off, but I found that I liked to renovate and decorate my home which required a bit of change out of my pocket. While my friends were partying and going on trips, I was sanding my floors and painting ceilings.
After some time and hearing stories of other employees that had received the same promise of an office position, a secretary position opened up at my relative’s business. I wasn’t going to chance never getting that office position in the factory so I accepted the offer at my relative’s business. This position involved everything I was going to school for and I was going to work with some great people. It really helped me gain some experience in my field of study, but it didn’t work out in the end.
Although it was sad to leave that job (still love my old bosses!), another door opened up for me… after months of applying for secretary and accounting positions, I landed a kitchen designer job. This had to be a dream come true right??
I accepted the offer and began training a little over a month ago. I learned an incredible amount over this time period (you would not believe how much there is to know about cabinetry) and was able to help create designs. I actually was able to get over an anxiety of mine…for the past few years I have had anxiety being in a vehicle for “long” distances (sometimes just a half hour)…I’m not sure if this came about when I started working overnights and taking classes at the same time and never leaving the house?? Whatever the cause, the constant driving really helped me get over this hurdle.
I also was able to gain confidence. I wouldn’t say I’m horrible with people, I’m a bit shy. This job allowed me to go into customers’ homes and speak with them and spread the knowledge about our products. I also learned a bit about the business side of designing and how it is important to promote yourself. As much as I loved designing and the job itself, it didn’t work out for me. (and as much as I’d love to let off some steam and explain what had happened, I’ll bite my tongue and just leave it at that. )
…here I am once again wounded by that damn truck.
One door closed, another door opened, and here we are pounded shut again.. It’s all a road map to an unknown destination.
One thing that keeps me going is to look at my past…from all the great to shitty things that have happened…it’s all happened for a reason. So, I will have to hold onto faith that something good will come out of this…that the best is yet to come. (at least so they say)
I have been working on this project for a couple weeks now and I am proud to say it’s finally finished. I probably could’ve gotten it done a lot sooner if I kept focus, but you know how things get…right?
Now why put so much time and energy into a closet? Well our closet in the bedroom doesn’t have a door on it, and I have yet to find a way to put one on. There isn’t a lot of room for the door to swing without hitting the bed and there is a vent on the wall next to the closet opening, therefore I don’t want to cover with a sliding barn door… so as of now it’s just open. So it’s kind of an eyesore.
I want to avoid having ugly corners in my home, but spaces like this also need to be functional. So I gave this little closet an overhaul…and when I say little, I mean it’s tiny. It fits 3/4s of my boyfriends shirts. We have to stash his nice flannels and button downs (which he hardly wears) upstairs because there is no room here. Now, we can’t do much about increasing the space, but I can make it nicer to look at. Also, I am only 5′ 2″ so I don’t care for grabbing a stool to reach the shelf.
So the mission here is: Make it pretty and functional. No problem.
I am still on my huge budget so this also needed to be an affordable update (my dream built ins are out of the question here). The least expensive option would be to rip down the wallpaper and paint. Well, I attempted taking down the wallpaper (I think there was 3-4 layers)…got half way through and gave up on that idea. It was taking forever and it was the LAST bit of wallpaper to take down in the house…so yeah, screw that.
We were very grateful to receive a bunch of free tongue and groove cedar planks from my previous employer awhile back. I was able to use these as my “shiplap”. So the only things I needed to purchase for this project was paint, a 1 x 4 board, and nails for the nail gun. (I had the cedar planks, stain, screws, and tools which are all necessary to complete this project)
I used a dark walnut stain.
The image on the left is the tongue of the board. The image on the right is the groove. Inserting the tongue inside the groove the other board will lock them together. (In case you haven’t noticed, I am in no way, shape, or form a hand model of any sort.)
Obviously, I hung the boards before painting. This way would avoid having paint carefully next to the ceiling since I wasn’t adding any moldings, SO paint before doing the ceiling!
This one is a bit more difficult to explain, but if you have questions: comment, e-mail, or Facebook message me!
NOTE: I am not setting anything heavy on this shelf, if you plan to, you will need more support.
Again, if you have any questions feel free to comment, message me on Facebook @ myfarmhousefixerupper or email me at email@example.com
Thanks for reading and I hope you like it as much as I do!! 🙂
I apologize for my lack of posts…again. I accepted an offer as a kitchen designer, so I have been a busy bee this past week training.
This spring I’m on an extremely tight budget, therefor I couldn’t decorate a whole lot (I mean tighter than any budget I’ve been on before). Although I haven’t been one to decorate my entire house seasonally, I was hoping to do more with this season… but oh well, stick to what you can afford! 🙂
This spring I added florals, greenery, decorative eggs, birds, and punches of color here and there. I also did a lot of spring cleaning, decluttering, and rearranging. You may notice the sofa has been moved in front of the window and my magnolia table is has been brought to the front porch. I feel this arrangement provides a great layout.
Thanks for checking out my spring décor! 🙂
This week I decided to do a spur of the moment project. It had no planning whatsoever, luckily I had the right products to complete it sitting around my house.
I had a gallon of white paint/primer and was thinking to myself “Wow those steps are ugly.” So, I decided to paint them. I felt like a total rebel doing this because your supposed to paint your walls, not your floors….and I mean WHITE?! I know I’m a little insane.
The idea actually stemmed from watching Safe Haven on Netflix the other day. The lead character decided to paint her floors “lemon twist” yellow. Although I’m not brave enough to indulge in such a bold color, I still found the idea of painting the floor intriguing.
They look so clean and fresh now! I am very excited about how this quick and inexpensive project turned out. I think the shiplap wall needs some spunk…maybe a gallery wall?? Hmm. There really are an endless amount of projects to do… good thing it’s my favorite hobby 😉
This is one of my favorite meals to make. It is super easy and tastes delicious.
To start off, all of my recipes are super EASY. Many of them make great meals for people learning to live on their own, or they are just something simple to make.
Second, majority are not striving to be healthy meals that’ll help you drop weight. They’re just easy and taste great.
Third, I suck at cooking and I can even make this. If I can, anyone can.
I never heard of putting brown sugar in chili until Wade came along, makes it a little sweeter.
I should tell ya’ll a story about my first time making chili…It was about a year ago and I found a “simple” recipe on Pinterest for crockpot chili. I was really excited to use it, even though I didn’t know what half the ingredients even were. I never cooked before moving on my own. Majority of our meals the first year consisted of frozen pizza and take out.
So there I was with my little shopping cart being a boss in the supermarket, throwing things in like I knew what I was doing. I had absolutely no idea and just guessed what things were.
I got home and attempted to follow the directions. Eh, so I was a little off. Whatever. Dumped the ingredients in the crock pot and wished for the best of luck… about an hour later I come into the kitchen smelling cookies.
I’m not making cookies btw, it’s the chili. Apparently I screwed up on the seasoning..I figured I could fix it by dumping garlic salt in?? Yeah idk, just go with it.
So I did a little taste test to see if the garlic helped and oh god it was awful. I waited for Wade to get home to try it….maybe my taste buds are just out a whack.
He walks in the door and asks if I’m baking cookies…I was in tears, not sure whether to cry or laugh my ass off. So I proceeded to force a spoonful down his throat and he spit it out. Needless to say, the dog wouldn’t even eat it… and I didn’t attempt to make chili for about 6 months out of fear.
Moral of the story here….USE RECIPES YOU CAN UNDERSTAND! Lesson learned and I now use the recipe above…doesn’t taste like cookies 😉