Price: (5 x 7) $283.90
Price: (Queen/Full): $133.90
Yes, I am going to apologize for my condition. That’s part of what I do.. I apologize for situations that are out of my control, things that are not my fault, and I’m sorry for this seemingly self-absorbed post. I apologize so much that it probably annoys you. But that’s what I do best, right? Annoy people? See, that’s another part of what I am. I feel like I am over stepping my boundaries by talking too much. I think that you are constantly judging me.. you probably are though.
You most likely think I’m a bitch because you don’t see me smiling or say “Hello” when we pass by each other in the grocery store. But let me tell you, I’m not a bitch (most of the time).. I’m not a ray of sunshine and rainbows type of girl either. I don’t laugh at many jokes, but I blame that on my horrible sense of humor.. I may have the courage to say “Hi” to you one day, but other times I’m afraid it will lead to a conversation…what will I say? I’m horrible with small talk and I guess I’m too fragile to let you know who I am.
I’m fragile, I break easy. A simple joke or a tiny bit of criticism may be nothing to you, but it can crush me. So, I’ve learned to shield myself from the damage. I don’t trust you…I hardly trust anyone. I don’t trust myself at times…I doubt, second guess, and wonder if I really know what the hell I am doing. Overthinking, one of my favorite things to do.
Please, don’t give me the decision to where we are going to eat. It seems like an easy task.. until it becomes battle in my mind because of the pressure “will I regret my choice?” “what if I don’t like it?” The pressure of people wanting more out of me than I can give. I know you want me to hold your baby, to show it some affection.. but I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do. Please, don’t think I hate it because that’s not the case. This little life will depend on me for maybe 5 minutes.. What if I do something wrong? What if it starts crying? What if the moment I hold it, I realize I will be a horrible mother someday. I don’t want to disappoint you, but I guess either way I am doing just that. The pressure and stress make me come off as a cold human being. This feeling is like a shadow to me. Will it go away if I just hide in the dark? I’m jealous of people that shine in the light.
Jealousy, Oh how you have become so familiar. It brings out the best and worst in me. It makes me want to do better. If they can do it, I surely can too (if not better)… but there are the things I can’t change.. I can’t make myself gain weight to fit cute boutique clothing, because I lose it no matter what I do. I can’t get as many likes on Instagram as her, because I was simply not born that pretty or outgoing. I can’t get that job, because they can sense my fear. I can’t hide my insecurities from you.
But, it’s not all bad…It does get easier, some days. I have these ground breaking moments, I overcome an obstacle. I went grocery shopping at Walmart by myself today. I drove down main street in a city. I went to a bar with a crowd full of people…and I was okay. I didn’t break down and I didn’t leave. I celebrate with a smile and a proud “I did it!” moment.. I don’t tell anyone else about it though…to them it’s normal. It’s nothing special.
I’m fighting like hell. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it peak through the cracks on my good days. I want to accomplish my goals and dreams. I want to decide where to eat and not second guess it. I want to be a good mother when the time comes. I want to have the courage to get any job I want, to do anything I want. It is easier to succumb into the darkness, to stay in my comfort zone. But where is the life in that? I know there are bad days.. but the good days are worth the battle. So I will keep fighting until I can smile every day.
Thank you for reading,
Size: 4 x 6
I get my ideas from a popular source.. you’ve probably swooned over it for hours too.. Pinterest. Pinterest is a great source for ideas for about anything you can think of. When I first started decorating, this was my go to site. I didn’t look anywhere else for ideas because I thought everything was there. Eventually, I learned to watch TV shows, subscribing to magazines, and visiting other websites. You want to know my biggest source of inspiration?… INSTAGRAM! I follow many decorating addicts like myself and it’s REAL. Facebook is also becoming a pretty popular source for me. People have started creating groups and pages that show their love for interior design. What i love about Instagram so much? There are hardly any smack talk, it’s all support. So EXPAND your horizons people!
I’m not going to tell you paint your house like a pouch of skittles, but please throw in a punch of color here and there. I am a big fan of white, as many of you know. It’s timeless and classy. Although this may be true, too much white can overwhelming or even boring. Throwing in an accent color or different tones of wood can really define your space. The accent color gives your room a different mood. I like to use a little bit of blush pink and greenery for accents, but I’m really digging blue lately so I might give that a try.
For some reason, I used to really hate signs that had words. I avoided the “live laugh love”, but in reality they create a more personal feel to the space. The sayings you have on the wall have an impact to your overall message of the space. I also avoided (and still haven’t done it…but I intend to!) adding any personal photos around the house. Personal pet peeve here: I cant stand photos in cheap-looking frames & when the colors in the photograph don’t coordinate with each other. If I were to add some, I would probably do black and white pictures so they are cohesive with each other. I also didn’t attach myself to any pieces. Now when I am shopping for items, I need to feel a connection with the piece and fall in love with it.. rather than just having a random object in my home. If someone asks why I chose that, I can say what I love about it and give them an answer…rather than “it was on sale”. Your home is a reflection of your personality and who you are.
When I first started decorating I wanted to buy all new, all the time. While it can be cost efficient to buy the 40% off Hobby Lobby product (no shame on Hobby Lobby, I love it), you should also look for antique pieces. Great finds are pieces that have been or could be repurposed. You should have a few items in your home that you can tell a story about, a conversation piece.
This one has really cost me time and money. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT pick your paint color in the store. GET THE DAMN SAMPLE! Sure, it may cost you a little bit of money, but it is well worth it (especially if you are picking a grey paint color). The paint color will depend on the texture of walls and the lighting the room has.
This one should be pretty obvious, but I have made the mistake in the past for overlooking the measurements and just pressing the “check out”. Story time: This past spring I ordered these cute blush pink eggs to fill up my centerpiece jar, thinking they’d be the size of an actual chicken egg….Bought two packages just to be safe and when I got them they were literally the size of my thumbnail. So, check the measurement, please. Spare yourself some embarrassment.
We have the good ol’ standard 8′ foot ceilings in our home. When I moved in, I bought white sheer curtains from wally world and hung them right above the trim of my windows. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. When I redecorated I bought longer curtains and hung them up to the crown molding. It really does make everything seem taller. Another note about curtains… There is a tip out of there that your curtains should be 1″ above the ground (anything taller will seem like high waters) and that they should not drag on the ground. Mine rest on the ground and I love the look. It gives it a little more elegance I feel, but that could just be me. What I don’t like about it? I have three indoor cats and its seems collect their hair on bottom, therefor it adds extra cleaning.
I didn’t use area rugs when we first moved in because we had shaggy carpet. Just because you have carpet, doesn’t mean that you should avoid area rugs. They have a huge impact. They show off personality and define a space. I chose a neutral color, but they can be a part of your accent. The size of them is also important so make sure they are big enough for your space. I am guilty of my dining room rug being too small, but that’s because we got a new table this year and I’m too cheap to buy a new one just yet.
I didn’t even know this was a thing before decorating and hadn’t realize I was doing it. I love symmetry (and I still use it), but everything doesn’t need to be perfectly lined up. Here’s an example, In my dining room I had my farmhouse style table, buffet, and accent table. They were all tables, granted they were a little bit of different heights, I still seemed off balance. I decided to replace my accent table with my old door and bingo. That’s what it was missing, I needed something vertical. When first starting out, I didn’t take into consideration the shape of objects. Mix up circular and square objects so the eye moves within the space.
I tend to be a perfectionist.. I used to love everything to go with each other. If I could buy it in a set, then I would. An important lesson learned: Mix it up. Don’t buy all of the same throw pillows, buy many that go well together and create your own look. Don’t keep everything the same wood tone either, create some contrast. Even numbers are also a no-no when styling, I mean if your heart calls for it go ahead. General rule, style in odd numbers.
At one time, I wanted dark wood floors and tan walls. Why? Because that’s what everyone wanted at the time. I redid parts of my home & decided to go against what most people were telling me to do. They told me go dark floors, so I went with light instead. I loved the warmth of light colored wood…so I clear coated over them. Everyone told me if I painted my walls white that it would be “too white” and sterile…I did it anyway because screw what everyone else thinks. It’s my home and I love it, you don’t have to. This is the attitude you need when planning for your home. You need to focus on what YOU love. You want to wallpaper your powder room in flamingos? Okay lets do it. As long as you love it, I’m on board.