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Category: Life

I’m Blair Waldorf

It’s been hard to write something inspiring the past few days. My mind has been heavier than a tow truck lately. I have so much stress I want rip my hair out. I know life could be so much worse, but I don’t do well under pressure… And who is putting all this weight on my shoulders? Me.

Life is going great until something decides to shift it into a totally different direction. Trying to find a new job and dealing with a low income is absolutely draining me. We have all been in this boat before right? At least once?

I have always been sort of a perfectionist. I wasn’t to the point where I was first in my class or valedictorian, but I had to be on the honor roll. I had to have a job while I was in school, have money in my bank account, and had to dress up nice every day for school. If I didn’t live up to my “16 going on 30” standards, I would beat myself up for it.

I made sure to rack up college credits before I graduated high school, moved out of my parents house when I graduated, bought my own car, and obtained my associates degree online while working so I wouldn’t have as much debt as my peers.

My life has always been a chase and honestly, I have been motivated to be better than others. Big word to swallow here.. jealousy. I have always been consumed by it and yes it aint pretty. Sure these achievements were good for me and my future, but the reasoning behind them wasn’t.

I’ve always thought of myself as “more mature” than people my age. Waving a big sign over my head of all my accomplishments. As I’m actually* maturing, I’m realizing what has been fueling me these years…why am I trying to impress everyone? Why do I feel like I have to “one up” the next person? Why is there a race and why do I have to get first?

It’s just like our mothers have told us since we were in middle school, I’m screaming for attention. Yikes, is that conceded enough? I want to be noticed instead of sitting in the back row. I am an outspoken person trying to get just a foot into the spotlight. I didn’t go out for sports in High School… I wasn’t apart of any teams, and I didn’t have a whole lot of friends.

Have you seen the show Gossip Girl? If you haven’t, you should because it’s amazing.

If you have, this will make sense to you…I see myself as a Blair Waldorf and every other girl I’ve been around is a Serena Van der Woodsen. Now I’m not a snobby and popular rich girl that manipulates to get what she wants, but I’m always in the shadow of someone else.

Every time I find something I’m good at, I get outshined. Whenever I take a picture, someone gets more likes. When things are going good at work, someone brags about their raise. So then I get into a competitive game where I have to be the best.

Here’s a secret… you’ll never win this game, because with this attitude there’s an endless cycle of “not good enough’s”. There’s always going to be another person that loves to decorate as much as you do and there will be a new selfie on Instagram everyday.

It’s good to have ambition to achieve your goals, but when everything is a competition it only stresses you out. It just turns into a complete mind game. Wave the white flag and surrender. This battle will just get old and destroy yourself esteem.

I want to become a better person. I want to stop comparing myself to others and thinking that I’m not good enough. I want to be proud of what I do, but also be proud of others too.

I need to slay with grace. Eventually Blair Waldorf grew up and stopped being ruled by her jealousy. How did she do this? Well it took her awhile to figure it out, but her shining moment came with class.

She didn’t care what other people were doing anymore and came up with her own ideas. She believed in herself and finally got her spotlight. She was actually happy when her world stopped revolving around envy.

Out of all shows I found this one to be inspiring to me…crazy right? So it all boils down to this point in my life. I’m barely making a sufficient income or getting attention from my décor anymore. Both are failures in my mind.

I was starting to pay off my debts… I was on a roll. I was going to be one of the first people in my class to be debt free at 21! This had to come to a halt when my living expenses taken over my entire paycheck. How can I keep impressing people if I have no money to spend on décor?! How can I brag to my sister that I have x amount of money in my checking account?!

It’s time to stop living for impressing. It’s time to grow up and realize things don’t just happen over night. When one door closes..another door opens. Sometimes it takes a little faith and confidence that everything is going to work out.

Life is NOT a race, be PATIENT. You ARE good enough. You ARE talented. You ARE pretty enough.. I came across this quote the other day  “Just because you don’t look like somebody you think is attractive, doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive. Flowers are pretty but so are Christmas lights but they look nothing alike.” I don’t know who to credit this quote to, but it is INSPIRING..

Comparing yourself to others will only make you bitter, so just simply be happy for other people. Let them inspire you, and then you can inspire others.

 

 

Valentines Day; Who Needs Gifts?

 

Valentines Day is rolling around the corner once again. You can tell it’s creeping up when you hear the diamond advertisements on the radio and feel the giant teddy bears staring you down at Walmart. Wade and I have been going out for over four years now. Theses types of “holidays” have taught me a lot about him, myself, but mostly about US.

I used to be an overbearing gift giver for valentines day. I thought I was being cute when I made a book of “100 Things I Love About You” and 20 pictures frames of us together. Janelle get it together, he’s a GUY.. I eventually came to my senses and grabbed him a 12 pack Budlight instead.

 

Wade is a farmer, truck driver, bin cleaner, and about a million other things. He’s a busy guy. When dating a man that likes to work, you begin to understand that you don’t always come first. He isn’t the type to get me spontaneous and extravagant gifts. He isn’t going to plan a weekend getaway or a surprise dinner at a fancy restaurant.

For example, my birthday lands in late September which is generally when harvest begins. If they are in the field, my only luck of having a night about me is if it downpours rain. At the start of our relationship this was a hard concept to grasp. I come from a family that has scheduled hours at work. They have paid vacations and weekends off.

That’s not how it works around here. Wade is lucky if he gets a single day off a week, but I think he wouldn’t have it any other way. The only guaranteed day off a year is Christmas. You get the picture, he’s a workaholic.

He isn’t much of a gift giver, but he has tried to make an effort in the past. One year he bought me a giant teddy bear the night before Valentines Day. This was our first year of being together therefor I was a little pissed when he said “Yeah, I got it for you last night!” Like really…no more thought into it? It’s like a spur of the moment gift that you get your niece at the local dollar store right before the birthday party. I loved the teddy, don’t get me wrong..(admit it, you wanted one of those suckers at one point) but how could he not put more thought into this?!

Wow I was an idiot (and possibly a tad bit crazy) back then. At least he got me something… when working 24/7 how does one have the time to think about gifts? When do you get the opportunity to go out and buy something? I was a bit childish/selfish yet at 17 and should have realized what was really important.

He got me roses and wrote me a love letter the next year. It’s the thought that counts. He started writing the letter the minute he got my “I’m on my way!” text. He doesn’t get me a gift every year. Some years he doesn’t get around to the store or he just flat out forgot about it. I never question it’s because he doesn’t love me. He tells me everyday that he does.

It’s about loving that person every day of the year, not just that one day. I’m not going to lie, jealousy has kicked in when other women would flaunt their bouquets and diamond earrings. I just remind myself that I am lucky to be in such a great relationship. A gift won’t change that. A gift won’t magically make my relationship perfect because I’m getting special attention that day and he spent a bunch of money on me.

A great relationship is built on the attention spent on each other every single day. The foundation is formed on the communication you have with him after a hard days work and the laughs you share from an embarrassing childhood story. It’s framed together with your trust in each other. When there is a moment of weakness, we are able to forgive and continue to regain strength. The ups and downs make you closer because after you’ve rode out the storm, you can make it through anything.

Your relationship is molded from apologizing after blowing up at each other because the world is crashing down. It is your shelter. They are your shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold. They embrace your wings to fly, but are also your anchor when your head is too far in the clouds. Who needs a pair of diamond earrings when they are your home.

A relationship isn’t about getting each other gifts and showing it off a couple times a year. It’s about the love for you have for each other and sharing your life with your best friend. None of us are perfect and we shouldn’t expect our significant other to be.

This Valentines Day I won’t be expecting a special date or chocolate candy. If he decides that wants to get me something, I will appreciate it. I will appreciate he took the time to do something extra special for me, but I will not take our relationship for granted and remember how blessed I am. I am lucky to have someone that truly cares for me. He doesn’t care what I look like when I roll out of bed in the morning or that as soon as I get home from work I change into my PJs. I know that he is my home and my anchor (and accepts my love for sweatpants). He supports me everyday, even when I’m crazy. How could I ever want more than that?

 

 

 

 

Personal Goals 2017

This year has already had its drawbacks. I had my mind set on a budget so I could pay off my auto loan early. I bought the Dave Ramsey books and already had my thousand in my emergency fund. I was able to put $600 extra toward my loan through the first half of January. I was off to a great start.

A few weeks ago I learned that my hours were going to be cut back significantly. My job is going through a location change and financial change. It’s not my employers fault, we are close and have a great relationship. They just needed to take an opportunity to become more successful. This change includes cutbacks though, that includes my hours.

Although I am very understanding about my work situation, I won’t accomplish my goals with my current hours. Here’s something most people don’t know about me: I have anxiety. Change scares the crap out of me. It seems like anytime I get comfortable, life flashes me the middle finger.

Now I have to get out of my comfort zone once again and figure out my place in the world. Something I have found out through many dark times, is that when one door closes another opens. This situation completely sucks and it has me in a rut. I have a feeling better days are yet to come, but I have to get the confidence to take the next step.

My goals this year totally depend on my job situation, but that is my first goal this year. My goal is to get a new fulltime job. After I start making a regular income again, I will continue my progress with making payments on my auto loan. I still plan to pay off my vehicle and college by the end of the year.

My anxiety prevents me from traveling to busy places by myself, being in rooms full of people, and getting out of my bubble. This year I want to take steps with these things. Living with anxiety is extremely difficult and it has prevented me from many opportunities. This year I want to work on it.

I look back on last year, I see how many projects I accomplished. I’m so happy I stepped out of my comfort zone. I never imagined working on my own home and last year I made it possible. I plan on doing more projects this year, but staying on a small budget. I also want to save money for an addition on our home.

I graduated with an associates degree in accounting in December last year. One thing to look forward to this year is no more school. Other than projects and graduating from college, my year was pretty dull. I didn’t have many photos with friends or go anywhere special. This year I want to make it more memorable. I want pictures to look back on and memories to reminisce. This year I hope to change into the person I have been wanting to be and visiting an old self that I miss.

So here’s to a new year and a better life.

What I Wish I Would’ve Known Before I Moved On My Own

I have a confession to make: I moved out of my parents house the day I graduated high school. Literally after my ceremony I had my bags packed and was on the road. Although I love my family, I was (and still am) in love. I wanted to start my own life with him so I didn’t waste any time. I knew it all you know? I was an adult and could do what I wanted. There are so many things I wish I would’ve known before I moved out. 


What to Buy


My boyfriend moved into this house before I graduated so he already had many of the necessities. I did help buy things because I knew that I would also be living there. I knew that we would need dishes, towels, and cooking utensils. I just didn’t realize how much you need. Here is a list of what I can think of for you to buy:

Kitchen:
Wash Towels
Drying Towels
Dish Soap
Disinfecting Wipes
Bowls
Plates
Paper Towels
Napkins
Silverware
Pots
Pans
Casserole Pans
Cookie Sheets
Oven Mitts
Salt
Pepper
Seasonings
Spatulas
Ladle
Tongs
Cooking Thermometer
Crock Pot
Coffee Pot
Coffee Cups
Glass Cups
Wine Glasses
Tupperware
Saran Wrap
Wax Paper
Foil
Ice Trays
Fridge
Microwave
Oven
Measuring Cups
Pizza Cutters
Steak Knives
Scissors
Trash Can
Garbage bags

Laundry:
Washing Machine
Dryer
Clothes pins
Detergent
Softener/Dryer Sheets
Laundry Baskets (get a few)
Trash Can

Dining Room:
(This room doesn’t NEED much)
Table and Chairs
Placemats

Living Room (most are optional, just ideas):
Sofas
Rugs
TV
Blankets

Bedroom:
Sheets (buy extra)
Pillow cases
Curtains and/or blinds
Bedding
Pillows

Closet:
Clothing hangers

Bathroom:
Toilet paper (buy extra)
Toothbrushes
Toothpaste
Mouthwash
Razors
Shaving cream
Feminine products
Soap
Hand soap
Shampoo
Conditioner
Lotion
Hair brush/pick
perfume/cologne
bobby pins, hair ties, etc.
hair spray, gel, and other hair products
straightener, wands, and irons
Make up
Make up brushes
Make up cleaners
Deodorant
Face wash, acne medications, toners, etc.
Other skin care
Wash cloths
Bath towels
Hand towels
Cleaning towels
Cotton balls
Q tips
Aloe
Sunscreen
Tylenol
First Aid Kit
Toilet cleaner
Plunger
Glass cleaner
Shower cleaner
Bleach
Bath bubbles
Medications (laxatives, prescription meds, cough syrup, etc.)
Trash can
Blinds/curtains
Mirror
Shower curtain (outer) and inner curtain
Curtain rings
Eyebrow “pluckers” and scissors
Kleenex’s

Cleaning:
Vacuum
Broom and dust pan
Dusting supplies
Dusting rags
Bleach
Steel wool
Window cleaner
Floor cleaner
Febreze
Stain Remover
Carpet cleaner
Furnace filter

Other:
Extension cords
Radio (weather)
Light Bulbs
Candles
Lighter
Matches

Batteries
Smoke Alarms
Essential oils
Humidifier
Lawn Mower
Storage totes
Curtain rods

Quite the list right? I’m sure there are a million things you could add to it. But, you get the point. If you haven’t moved out yet, pay attention to little things that are around your current home.


  Roommates


When I first moved into our home we had a total of four people living here. Me, wade, and our two roommates were under one roof. The two roommates were my relatives so I felt comfortable around them. If you are in the position to choose roommates, don’t pick your best friend. I have heard countless stories of friendships ruined because of living together. Pick someone you feel you can trust and you can get along with (for the most part). I was the only girl in the house and I found out fast that guys can be really messy. If any of you ladies get into this situation, one of the first things you’ll realize is you’re more like your mother than you thought. I wish I would’ve known how messy boys can be! (Not all boys are messy and not all girls are neat) I thought everyone knew just to clean up after themselves, to put down the toilet seat, and to switch their own laundry. It all depends on how your roommates were brought up. Some were taught how to be responsible, others not so much. I took on most of the cleaning activities and grocery shopping. We learned from trial and error that it was best for everyone to pay for their own groceries. Otherwise you end up in fights about who ate all the barbeque chips in a day.

Eventually the two roommates moved out. We learned a lot about each other over time. We learned each other’s pet peeves and habits. As you go through this experience you will either create a stronger relationship or ruin one. Remember this before you choose who to live with.


Money


When thinking about moving into your own home you should expect the usual: rent and utilities. Things are much more expensive than you assume. Before moving into your home it would be wise to start a budget. Ask your parents or friends what is a reasonable amount to expect. Groceries, for starters, can get out of control. I finally set a budget because I never planned meals. I never realized I was throwing out most of my snacks because I didn’t eat them in time. I ended up saving $40 a week by just making a list of things we NEED (not just getting what looked good). If you have to purchase your own washer and dryer check out swap pages on Facebook or Craigslist. I recommend this for all yoqur furniture and appliances. You’d be surprised what great deals you can get. We live on an acreage so we also have to pay for LP for our heat and stove. When looking at your finances, make sure you have at least $1,000 for emergencies. With bills adding up, you will have to pay them by a certain date. It helps to mark the calendar and put a reminder in your phone to get used to it. At this point in your life, you should be financially responsible.


Cleaning


I’m still learning new hacks for cleaning. I really wish they had a class for this in my High School. You should make or print off a cleaning schedule to get into a habit. I like to get up early in the morning to vacuum my floors and wipe off counters. I have three indoor cats so I have found that they are MESSY!! They leave so much cat hair around the house. If you plan to have pets, watch out for white furniture. It looks gorgeous at first, but then a few days later it will be covered in pet hair. An easy solution is to lint roll or vacuum it up. It can get annoying doing this every single day, but it’s best to make it just a habit to keep it clean. Make sure to have cleaning products around the house like pledge, bleach, dish soap, shower cleaner, disinfecting wipes, stain removal, etc. I want to emphasize the stain removal. One of my cats got sick a few weeks ago and got vomit on my white chair (I know, eww). I quickly got my stain removal out, but I did something really stupid. I wiped it up with a blue rag. DO NOT USE COLORED RAGS TO CLEAN. I just refuse to buy them at all now to avoid temptation. My chair turned blue for a few seconds. I was in tears I was so worried. I managed to get the blue out, thank goodness. You will be in for a shock how much cleaning there is. I love a clean house so I do it daily. I’ve also learned my mom isn’t crazy. My sister and I used to roll our eyes when my mom would make a fuss the house wasn’t clean enough when company was stopping over. I go through a small panic whenever family says they’re in town and want to stop over. GET OUT THE CLEANING SUPPLIES AND A CAN OF RED BULL. Just kidding, sort of. I have went through 3 vacuum cleaners. I finally found one that I can depend on and works amazing for pet hair. I got a Shark from Walmart for $200. I think it’s better vacuum wood floors rather than sweeping them. I haven’t owned a Kirby, but I have been told the Shark works WAY better. I also recommend real dusting cloths because they seem to pick up the dust rather than letting it float around.


Cooking


I took a life skills class in high school my freshman year. I should’ve had this course right before graduation so I could remember any of it. I could pour cereal in a bowl and throw a pizza in the oven. Before you venture out on your own you should try out the basics. These include spaghetti, tacos, goulash, casseroles, and crock pot meals. Pinterest can be your best friend here. It can show affordable and easy meals, but it can also give complicated ones. I have seen pins that say “simple chili” or something like that. They include like 10 ingredients and 2 of them I’ve never heard of. I tried this once and accidentally made my chili taste like cookies. It was disgusting, my dog wouldn’t even eat it. Stick to the basics when starting out. It might be best to ask a family member for their recipe. Write down the meals that turned out successful. If you’re like me, please don’t get discourage when you burn your first meal. Instead of scalloped potatoes and ham, I have potato chips and bacon bits. It was awful. It makes for really funny stories once you get past the embarrassment. When you make a meal for guests, don’t try a brand new. Make one that you have mastered.


Pets


I know the cute little fur balls are hard to resist, but there is so much you should realize before you get yourself into this. They are expensive. I spend about $25 per week on my pets (3 cats and a dog). Cats require litter, cat food, shots, neutering (if you choose), and grooming. Dogs have all of these except litter, but they require training. Puppies also require frequent* attention and love. They are very messy too, they literally chew up EVERYTHING. They are like little toddlers running around, leaving you to clean up after them. Changing litter and picking up poop isn’t that fun. Although all of these things stink, you do gain a companion. My cats have become part of our family. It’s just something you should weigh out before you take on the responsibility.

I know this is kind of a random and vague post for some of you. Most of you probably have your own home already, but this is a topic I am pretty fresh with. My sister will be moving out within the next few years so I hope I can bring some tips to her. It is important to pass down advice to people going into the real world.

(My apologies for the lack of photos in this post!!!!)

Don’t Be Afraid, Coming From the Girl That’s Afraid of it All

Welcome to my blog! This is my first blog post, ever. I would like to start off by saying thank you for checking out my site. I have contemplated over and over about starting a blog, but I finally did it! Although I love chatting online, I am extremely shy in person. I actually avoid situations with people as often as I can. I am frightened to take the first step in situations. What Debbie downer right? I am working on it.

I got out of my bubble little by little this year after starting my projects on my house. I stepped out of my comfort zone by using tools (And yes this includes power tools). I was hanging shiplap on my own, using a saw and nail gun. I was sanding floors by myself using a drum sander. I was doing all of these things that I never thought I could do on my own.  It boosted my confidence. I started posting my projects online and people were really proud of me. I had never done anything that people praised me for and never broke out of my shell. All I had to do was take that first step. That one step you are afraid to take, could lead you to so many possibilities. I never knew that hanging that piece of shiplap would change my life. I found my passion. I found what I love to do. I was afraid to start this blog, because I was scared it will be a failure. I am taking a chance and showing the world what I’ve got.

My next hurdle is to start my own business. I would love to decorate homes and add a little of my flair to them. My shy personality is an anvil on my shoulders. I am afraid to talk to clients, I’m afraid if they don’t like what I do, and mostly I’m afraid of failure. I feel as if I’m consumed by fear at times. I just have to remind myself to take that first step. Baby steps are okay, you don’t need to leap. Failure is a possibility to anything you do, you just can’t let it control you. Instead of focusing on the fear, focus on the reward. Focus on the goal you have in mind. I want to accomplish my dreams so I have to be strong. You never know where life will take you. You just need to set yourself free. I want to inspire my readers to break out of their shells. I have come a long ways, but I have a long ways to go.

If you have the same type of personality as me, you can do it. I encourage you to just try. I know failure is a scary thing, but don’t let it stop you from living your life. Don’t let it stop you from chasing your dreams. It’s okay to be comfortable, but never settle. When you see something you want, go for it. Let your confidence build without tearing yourself down. You’ve got this.